How do you deal with people making fun of your insecurities?

Hey y'all!

Happy New Year!

My first post of the year should've been a happy one but unfortunately it's depressing af because let's be real, just because the year changes doesn't mean everything changes as well lmao. It's the same old khara (learnt a new word in Arabic today and couldn't resist using it🤪) for me.

Anyway, I hope you guys are having fun because I sure as hell am not:(

In my previous posts, I have mentioned about me being super insecure about my voice. If you haven't read it, then you can check it out here: Book Review- Can't Help Falling By Courtney Walsh.

One of my biggest insecurity is my voice. It's been years since I last recorded it and if in some case it does get recorded, I simply ask the person who recorded the video to not send it to me.

I sometimes cringe while talking if I end up focusing on my voice too much and try to shut up and not speak unless required. As soon as I see someone recording, I shut up until they are done. You will always see me in videos but you will never see me speak in them. There have been very rare times where I have spoken while someone recorded because I didn't see them open their camera. I end up either deleting those videos or I simply never watch them (might use them in reels where I add music to the video so you can't hear the audio of the video). I have had fights with people asking me to record a message for someone as a surprise but I have always said no to it and made my own videos with our memories that consists of our pictures and videos together. For some reason, people always think that I am being egoistic or am just super rude to them despite me trying to explain it to them that it's not them, but me.

Nobody understands my issue even when I try to explain it to them. They're always like, 'omg, can you stop being so dramatic? You're just doing it for attention.' , 'stop thinking too much, your voice is okay.' Or 'why do you keep thinking about what other people are thinking? Don't be so sensitive.'

I mean if I could do anything about it, I would've done it already. Do you think I like it? Do you think I enjoy writing long ass paragraphs for attention when I could simply send a voice note and save my time? There have been so many times when I felt like sending voice notes because I was too lazy to type or the group chat was super active and I was typing slowly but as soon as I record a voice note, I cringe and delete them after hearing my voice.

Like I mentioned above, there have been so many instances where I am talking and stop midway because I focused a lil too hard on how my voice sounded. I felt like people probably hate it too so I end up shutting up and try not to talk too much.

I honestly thought I was getting better about this until a few days ago. We had gone for a family get together and we all decided to play bingo since we had a few old people in our group and it's honestly fun lol. I have been playing bingo online ever since I was in grade 6 hehe.

Okay, so you probably know that we have to yell out 'bingo!' if we win. I did exactly that because I had won hehe. But my happiness turned into sadness real quick because my uncles and aunts started laughing and making fun of the way I yelled 'bingo!'. My voice is super thin and high pitched and I know it's irritating lol but watching them make fun of it and laughing made me tear up. It was so hard to hide my tears but I guess I am used to it by now lmao.

I was so excited to win in the first round but after the result I was so embarrassed that I kept praying I don't win anything in the second round. I also asked my cousin to call out 'bingo!' when I win so the same thing doesn't happen again. Though I thankfully didn't win anything in the second round, I couldn't breathe a sigh of relief because my uncle and his wife didn't leave me alone during the rest of the time we were there.

My cousin whispered into my ear, telling me how they were making fun of my voice and I decided I would try to only speak when it's required lol. Even when we went to click pictures they kept yelling 'bingo!' in a high pitched voice and laughing. I couldn't do anything so I just laughed along with them because what else could I do to make them stop?

I honestly don't know how to either fix my voice or get over my insecurity and a few years ago I decided that I would just avoid talking to people but soon enough, I realized that a chatterbox like me cannot stay quite lol.

But I have decided that even though it hurts, I cannot stop living my life and no matter how much my voice makes me cringe, I gotta stop giving a fuck. So that's what I did. I was like I don't care anymore and moved on from it but yes, the thought is always there at the back of my mind and it still hurts.

I don't even know what the point of my blog honestly is because I keep posting whatever I feel like so I think I will just keep doing that. It's gonna kind of be like my dairy where I share my thoughts and stuff about personal life with you guys or ask for your opinions hehe. I know I can never maintain a personal diary in the fear of someone from my family reading it so this is a great substitute for it. I will be ranting about my life problems here. You guys are welcome to rant in the comments here or my Instagram DM's lol.

Anyway, let me know how you guys deal with your insecurities and how do they affect your life? Help your girl out🤪

Until next time x

See y'all soon with a new post!💗